Why Mr Red Has Never Walked The Same Since

After rather a late night on the town Mr and Mrs Red were having a much needed lie in when their phone rang.

“Who in the blazes is calling us so early in the morning?” Mr Red grumbled as he searched for the phone, trying to ignore the pounding in his head.

“Hello, good morning to you sir,” a friendly voice said.  “How are ……”

But before he could continue Mr Red, literally seeing red, took a deep breath and said very firmly, “First of all let me inform you this number is registered on the Do Not Call Register.”

“Yes sir that is a very good idea to be on that register.  My phone number is also on that register,” the voice answered.

“So would you please explain to me, why you are calling this number when it is registered on the  Do Not Call Register?” Mr Red demanded to know.

“Well Sir…” but Mr Red interrupted again.

“I don’t know what time it is in your country but it is 8:30 in the morning here and you’ve woken me up and I am not happy!”  Mr Red was very angry.

“But Sir, would you please just listen to me.  I am not trying to sell you anything,” the voice begged.

“As if I haven’t heard that before,” Mr Red said sarcastically.  “Now I need you to listen to me, never and I mean never ever phone this number again because if you do I will hunt you down and your life won’t be worth living.  Do you hear me?”

“But Sir….”

“I mean it!” Mr Red shouted and just as he was about to slam the phone down Mr Red heard the voice say,

“But Mr Red I am Mrs Red’s doctor, I am phoning with the results from her x-ray!”

The color drained from Mr Red’s face as he sheepishly handed the phone to Mrs Red and hid under the blankets wishing he could disappear.

“Hello doctor.  Yes I know.  Slightly deranged. Unhinged, yes I think so.  No, surprisingly the kids are not afraid of him.  Stressed, yes perhaps.  I know, sometimes very hard to live with but normally he is quite a lovely man.  I know it’s hard to believe.   Oh thank you for your support. Yes I wonder why sometimes.  Valium, yes that would be lovely, how many?  Oh really, that many, out for a day.  Yes I understand it could be fatal but think of the benefits.  Thank you so much and I look forward to seeing you later this morning,” Mrs Red said hanging up the phone.

She glared at the lump in the bed, then gave a little smile as she accidentally kicked Mr Red in the you know where.  “Oops sorry,” she smiled sweetly before going back to sleep, ignoring Mr Red writhing in agony beside her.
Copyright 2016

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