Mr Smarts and a Bumble Bee

At the crack of dawn one morning, Mr Smarts pestered me relentlessly until I finally woke from a lovely, deep sleep.  Not impressed I rolled over and informed him that if he didn’t leave me alone his gangoolies would be swinging from the ceiling fan.

“Oh come on Kooky. It’s a beautiful day, let’s get up and go for a walk?” he persisted.

“Mr Smarts what did I warn you?” I mumbled dragging the covers over my head.

“Come on Kooky,” he begged.  “I really want to go for a walk and I want you to come with me.”

“Mr Smarts, this is our only morning for a lie in and I’m tired!” I begged.  But it was no use, he pulled the covers off me and demanded I join him.  Cranky as all hell I climbed out of bed, grabbed whatever clothes I could find and stumbled out after him to the car.

After a short drive we came to a stop at the bottom of a mountain as tall as Mt Everest.  Okay, I’ll admit it was a .0000001% as tall as Mt Everest but that early in the morning I was sure I was going to need oxygen.

“Mr Smarts,” I complained.  “Could we not have waited at least one more hour? What difference would one more hour have made?” But there was no answer. Mr Smarts was already off bounding up the rocky path to the top.  I refused to race  after him, (we always race each other and sometimes I win but only after I’ve tripped him) and walked along at a slower than slow snail pace.

“Kooky!” I heard him calling. “The view is incredible up here.  Hurry up.”

“Mr Smarts you can take that $#*! view and @#% *%#! with it,”  I grumbled wishing I was back in bed.

Around and around I climbed until at last I found myself standing at the very top of the mountain with Mr Smarts.  Mr Smarts was balancing precariously on bended knee and he was holding a little plastic bubble.

“Kooky,” he said very seriously. “You are the most wonderful person I have ever met.  You are so beautiful you make my heart sing.  You are so smart you make my head spin.  Your glamorous eyes make my heart ping. I cannot live another day without you.  When you leave the room my heart sighs.  When we are apart I want to cry.  Kooky, say you will be mine?”

Okay, so he didn’t say any of the above but he did ask me to marry him and after I shouted “Yes! Yes! Yes! Mr Smarts I would love to marry you!” he placed a plastic bumble bee ring on my finger.  It was the prettiest ring I had ever seen.

“We’re getting married!” I shouted to the town down below.  “We’re getting married!” I shouted to the birds nesting in the tree.  “I’m going to be a bride,” I shouted out the car window.

“Kooky, I’m glad you’re so happy but you’re making my ears ache,” Mr Smarts groaned.  He closed my window and put his hand over my mouth so I just flashed my ring to the empty streets instead.

“Kooky, there’s one more thing I have to do,” Mr Smarts said clearing his throat nervously.  I looked at him curiously.  “I have to ask your fathers permission to marry you.”

“Mr Smarts you have to be joking?” I laughed.  “How old fashioned of you.”

“No, I have to do the right thing,” he said and with shaking hands he dialed my parent’s phone number.  “Hello it’s Mr Smarts here.  No. No nothing’s wrong.  No one has died. Yes Kooky is here beside me.  No she’s perfectly fine.  Why am I calling so early in the morning? Well, I have rung to ask if I could have Kooky’s hand in marriage.  Kooky’s hand in marriage please. You know your daughter Kooky?  I would like to marry Kooky.  COULD I PLEASE MARRY KOOKY?” Apparently my father couldn’t hear Mr Smarts.  Strange because he has excellent hearing.

“No need to ask old boy, more than happy for you to take her off our hands,” my father said eventually.  Then he promptly hung the phone up and went back to sleep, neglecting to tell my mother our fabulous news. Rumour has it that I am just like him.  Lucky Mr Smarts.
Copyright 2016


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