Poor Theobald’s Insatiable Itch

This is a strange little story which, I’m not exactly sure is true, even though the story teller assures me, it most certainly is.

One night, many years ago, Marjory watched her then two year old son, Theobald, scratch his butt frantically in his sleep.  The next morning Theobald was fine, not an itch in sight.  That was, until he went to bed later that night.  He complained his butt was so itchy he couldn’t sleep.

The next day, Marjory took him to the doctor where he was diagnosed as having worms.  Not the garden type, obviously, but from what could be gathered it was actually just one worm and quite a large one at that.

“Look! There’s its head!” the doctor exclaimed excitedly as he shone his torch on Theobald’s chubby bottom.  “Drat! It’s gone back in again.”  Margery grabbed hold of her chair and struggled to stay upright.

“What can be done?” she whimpered feeling very faint.

“It’s quite simple really,” the doctor said as he scribbled away on his note pad.  “Follow my instructions.  It may take one or two attempts but in the end you will succeed.” And he ushered them out the door.

Marjory read the strange little note and stopped at a very exclusive chocolatier, where she spent an age choosing which bar of chocolate to buy.   She was very confused because the doctor had neglected to tell her which chocolate worms liked best.  Dark or milk, peppermint, raspberry, cherry, nutty or plain? Who knew!

By this time poor Theobald was in such a state.  His bottom was all tingling again.  It really needed a desperate rub.  Marjory grabbed a caramel chunky bar just as he was pulling his pants down to have a scratch and dragged him from the store.

Once home she quickly sat him down on his potty.  She placed the very expensive chocolate bar a centimetre or two away from his adorable bottom and holding the meat mallet in her hand sat back and waited.

“I itchy Mummy,” Theobald wailed.

“I know darling,” Marjory soothed.  “How about we sing some songs.”

They sang Theobalds favorite song, The Wheels on the Bus, so many times that Marjory found herself starring longingly at the drinks cupboard.  As they were about to start on Old MacDonald Had A Farm Marjory saw a little head poking out from Theobald’s cheeky bottom

.“Tickles!” Theobald complained as the worm went inside again.

Repulsed, Marjory pushed the chocolate bar a little closer.  The head appeared again and sniffed the air.  It slid towards the chocolate bar.  Gleefully, Marjory brought the mallet down and smashed the worm into the chocolate.

And that was the end of the worm, the chocolate and thankfully Theobald never had an itchy butt again.  Well not that we’re aware of anyway.

What do you think, urban myth or not?
Copyright 2016

 

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14 thoughts on “Poor Theobald’s Insatiable Itch

  1. Hahaha…OMG! How can I unsee the worm poking out of the bottom???? It is etched I tell you. ETCHED!!!!

    My kids LOVE being wormed. How clever are they to make it look and taste like chocolate. Master stroke!

    I guess the story could be true. Perhaps there were a few steps missing on that strange little note 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nope that’s all the note had written on it apparently. Much prefer those chocolate looking square things. By the way, I fell asleep at my desk yesterday after writing I was going shopping online. I think the Christmas pressure got to me 🙂

      Like

  2. I’ve heard of using a steak to lure a tapeworm out Kooky, but not chocolate! I saw this thing on the telly where a camper ate under-cooked fish he caught in a random Asian country and after a few months of losing weight was sitting on the loo and felt something sticking out his botty. He pulled it out and kept pulling loop after loop until he couldn’t pull out anymore because it was attached. He was rushed to the hospital by his traumatised wife where they removed it. O M G. I believe your story. Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s all a bit early in the morning for these horror yarns girls! Oooh yukky! Yards of oopsie pulled from your bum and banging away at a choccie addict worm, seriously Stephen King needs to come on here and get inspiration for his next novel which I will also not read.

    Liked by 1 person

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