Puffing and panting Mrs Red, Mrs Groovy and Mrs Fit raced along the beach and burst through the cafe door in record time.
“Hola ladies and hola amor de mi vida Mrs Red,” Marcello, the cafe owner greeted them. He not so secretly had a thing for Mrs Red and her lustrous red hair. “The usual?”
“Thanks Marcello,” Mrs Red said collapsing gratefully onto a chair. “Ow!” she exclaimed springing back up again.
“Is everything okay?” Marcello asked rushing to her side.
“Perfectly fine thank you Marcello,” she blushed. “Back in a minute,” and she raced off to the ladies room.
Minutes later she returned and sat carefully back on the chair. She wriggled to get comfortable and gave a little sigh. Marcello watched her with delight.
“What’s going on?” Mrs Groovy asked suspiciously. “Your eyes are almost rolling in the back of your head.”
“And what’s with all the wriggling?” Mrs Fit asked as her friend wriggled again.
“Shhhhhh,” Mrs Red demanded. “I’ll tell you in a minute.” And she waited until the noise of the coffee machine was so loud Marcello wouldn’t overhear her. “I have balls!” she whispered. “They were slipping out.”
“You have what?” Mrs Groovy asked stunned. Surely she hadn’t heard correctly.
“Balls!” Mrs Fit said loudly to the now silent room. “She said she has balls!”
The coffee cups Marcello had been carrying smashed to the floor, coffee ran everywhere. He stared at Mrs Red in horror. “What does she mean,” he whimpered to Mrs Groovy. “She wants to be a man. She’s too pretty to be a man.” He looked at Mrs Red in confusion. ” You come with me and I fix this for you. You no longer want to be a man after Marcello.”
“Marcello, hear this loud and clear. I do not want to be a man. Mr Red is more than man enough for me, (Marcello spat on the ground as he always did at the mention of Mr Red’s name). And I certainly do not have those kind of balls,” Mrs Red told him firmly. “I have pelvic exercise balls.” She wondered was she really having this conversation or was it just a dream.
“Ah like 50 Shades of Grey sexy balls,” Marcello beamed with relief. “Thank God for that!” he said making the sign of the cross.
“I have them solely for my pelvic floor,” Mrs Red informed him primly. “Which can be a little robust at times.”
“I like robust,” Marcello said smoothly. “Robust pelvic floor is good.”
“Robust as in leaking,” Mrs Red said darkly.
“Oh no robust leaking is not so good,” Marcello agreed nodding his head. “But with these balls you will be fixed up in no time, sí?”
“Marcello,” Mrs Groovy said interrupting him. “It’s getting late can we get our coffee to go?”
“Sí, no problem,” Marcello said. “On the house today. We celebrate beautiful Mrs Red and her magic balls.”
And that’s exactly what he wrote on the specials board for all to see. Thankfully, the customers thought she had turn to juggling so she didn’t have to explain anything to anyone.