Mr Peri Pause – You’re Driving Me Bat Shit Crazy!

Dear Mr Peri Pause,

It’s lovely that you have come to visit me again and I don’t mean to offend but you really need to put a pause on the pause.

You see, I haven’t slept since your arrival. Sure I go to bed utterly exhausted and nod off immediately but then, somewhere between the wee hours of two and three am you decide I’ve had enough and it’s party time in my brain

Now don’t get me wrong, I like to party with the best of them, but honestly, by myself, now that’s just sad and to tell you the truth, listening to Mr Smarts snore and mutter in his sleep all night long is just not on. I really find it very mean of you not to wake him up too.

You are a sneaky thing aren’t you Mr Peri Pause? Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Your over packed suitcase with all your new things to play with?  For example, the fire that you send cursing through my body at various stages of the day and night is really quite impressive. Flabbergasting actually.

Last night’s fiery furnace almost had me passing out at dinner. What a spectacular spectacle that was! Mrs Groovy convinced herself that I was having a heart attack. What with the sweat streaming from my face and pooling onto the table who could blame her.

However, I’m not convinced that she wasn’t more worried about my bodily fluids dripping onto to her sparkly, new shoes but anyway, she took one look at me and screamed and screamed at the top of her lungs for an ambulance. The other diners jumped to attention and raced over to find me calmly mopping myself with a pile of soggy napkins.

Thankfully, Mrs Fit took control. She knew exactly what was wrong with me. In other circumstances, the freezing, cold, bucket of water she poured over my head would have been an outrage but last night I actually cried with relief. Mrs Fit had a little cry too, then I cried a bit more and there we were a crying, blubbering mess with Mrs Groovy taking selfies to post on Instagram because she looked so fabulous amidst our running mascara and snotty noses. Isn’t she fabulous…..

Now, I don’t want to hurt your feeling Mr Peri Pause but I feel I must let you know that I have been doing a bit of research.  I get a tad anxious sometimes as to what you will throw at me next. You know me, I like to be prepared.

I laughed and laughed when I read you’re going to steal some of my memory? Why you ask? Because my prego brain never fully recovered which means my meno brain couldn’t possibly be affected.

For fifteen years the whereabouts of my car keys still allude me. My sun glasses still end up in the freezer and for some reason, at times I get confused and call my kids all sorts of names So you see, take what you like but there’s not much left in there.

I have also read that you will pluck away at my self confidence. Well Mr Peri Pause that’s another tough one. You see, we’re off on holidays soon and for the first time in years I went out and bought myself a bikini. Okay, it might be a vintage style bikini but it’s a bikini nonetheless

As I merrily  pranced around the house in my glamorous new costume I ignored the groans of disgust from my little darlings to “cover up” and “put it away”. I didn’t even bat an eyelid when one pretended to gag. I did snarl when another suggested I exchange it for a one piece.  The impertinence of it all.  So you see Mr Peri Pause,  I’m a lost cause to you. Especially with my kids hanging around.

It’s been a real trip having you around but now it’s time for you to leave.  No doubt you will be back again but please don’t rush. Honestly, I will be fine without you.

I do ask though Mr Peri Pause that whoever you visit next  please be kind to her. Let her sleep and keep the fiery furnace below boiling point or she might very well explode.

With much love,

Kooky

PS  Big thanks to Nikki at Styling You and her post How To Feel More Confident In A Swim Suit.  Click here and I will take you to her.

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12 thoughts on “Mr Peri Pause – You’re Driving Me Bat Shit Crazy!

  1. Oh Kooky, it’s awful I know. The worst thing for me is just before the fiery furnace I feel really nauseous and get a sensation of impending doom and it happens at least six times a day and four times at night. Good on you for the bikini. Those halcyon days of bikinis are only in my distant past.

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    1. God Pinky, it’s awful isn’t it. I would love to shave my head as I’m sure it would help cool me down. I really feel for you with the nausea x

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  2. Kooks
    Well done on the bikini and bugger what the little ones have to say, the truth is as parents we are are to annoy our kids as much as we can.
    I am not sure what is worse the fiery furnace of the Peri Pause or trying to control pelvic floor and lbl when you have bronchitis! Either way there is no sleeping happening here because as soo as I do drop off I cough and have to hold the bladder tight at the same time as the involuntary cough reflex or the fiery temperature that also rises past boiling point as you are trying to sleep!
    xoxo

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      1. Seriously though we get it all! Periods, childbirth, pelvic floor weakness, lbl (if we are lucky), or prolapse, Peri pause before the actual pause which I’m led to believe brings with it a dryness to rival the bottom of a budgies cage! Who wouldn’t want to be a woman!

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  3. Defo the stealing of sleep is the pits! A friend gave me a dream diary where at least I could record some of the truly weird shit thoughts that were romping away in there in the middle of the night. I have heard that an ice bucket half full is the new ‘must have’ accessory for summer.

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