Princess Kooky The Farmer

After three years of living an idyllic life by the sea while deciding if we should stay or move back to the big city we have taken the plunge and bought fifty acres, (someone pass me a paper bag as I hyperventilate) of land.  I was hoping for a maximum five acres but as Mr Smart’s kept insisting, “Honestly Kooky, what’s an extra forty five?”

Do I look dim witted? Um an extra forty five acres means livestock, fencing, growing our own vegetables, mud, drought, floods, snakes, flies and more flies and even more flies etc.  Of course the kids want a horse, one is begging for a donkey ….. give me a minute please while I lie down before the blackness takes over.

Is it bad that at 6.15 am I’ve just taken a shot of vodka?

Okay, so on this fifty acres there is also the sweetest little house where the five of us will live.  Now in this sweet little house there are only two, yes you read correctly, two bedrooms and only one, ONE bathroom.  With two teenagers and a tween plus a very robust husband this one bathroom thingy is going to be nothing short of a nightmare.  I’ve already spent a small fortune on scented candles. Actually, I wonder if the flame will be too much and will blow us to smithereens?  I’m guessing a diffuser might be safer.

Anyway, we will live in this cosy little house until our much bigger house is built. Oh, I almost forgot, the house is off the grid.  Impressive I know but I’m concerned that whenever Mr Smarts sees me drying and straightening my hair he gives a little chuckle. I’m too afraid to ask him what his chuckling means.  What if I can’t dry my hair or straighten it …….. unthinkable, (breathe in breathe out).  Stop it vodka, I hear you calling.

However, on a brighter note I am looking very forward to the day when I will gleefully inform our electricity supplier that we are divorcing. I am actually planning a little party to celebrate. Now that’s what dreams are made of.

Plus, there is the shopping for another fabulous pair of gum boots, I’m thinking zebra this time.  I was on the lookout for orange overalls but as Mr Smarts pointed out that might be taking my obsession with Crazy Eyes Suzanne from Orange is the New Black a little too far.  I scare him sometimes when I pretend to be her.   Perhaps I won’t be pretending for too much longer!

And I kid you not I will be wearing a tiara every day just so I keep the princess in me alive.  God help the lot of us.

Anyone out there live off the grid.  I am in dire need of a few pointers and if anyone knows where I can buy anything other than khaki overalls I would be forever grateful.




19 thoughts on “Princess Kooky The Farmer

  1. Oh Kooky it won’t be that bad … Will it??!!! Think of how pretty your new house will be (the new one you build!!!)
    I wish you all the luck 5ppl two bedrooms I am pretty sure a “private” hospital stay for the duration of the build would be the only way I would survive it!
    Do you need more vodka?!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I need more vodka, bucket loads please. Ooohhh I wonder if our insurance would cover an extended private stay in hospital. I like your thinking Cathy x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That sounds like my dream lifestyle, Kooky! Alas, mine will have to wait for retirement. Good on you—your kids will love it. They’ll have such precious and fun memories. And you’ll look back on it fondly one day, too. A bit like labour! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  3. WOW!!!! Congratulations! That is so exciting for you guys! It sounds absolutely sublime. Crowded. Dark. But sublime nonetheless. I do not know one single soul who lives off the grid so can’t help you with tips or tricks but wish you much luck and can’t WAIT to hear tales of how you adjust to your new predicament…ah I mean… life on the farm! Did you ever watch The Good Life?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh I did just literally laugh out loud! Hahahaha! I’ve read your bio re trading your heels in so I totally get it. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Pro blogger 2017 I promise not to smell of cow pooh but if I do just give me a spray with something nice, please.


  4. Oh dear Kooky Chick. It’s not that bad off the grid. We’ve got 45 solar panels and a back up generator that as long as it’s got fuel in its belly starts up automatically when the power levels are getting low. For the acreage there is always the possibility of leasing out the land to a farmer who wants extra land to run his cattle. Endless opportunities. Embrace. Rather to say I tried rather than I wish I had of.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t know you were off the grid! What a revolutionary person you are especially with your straw bale house. How were you not on Grand Designs? I’m actually looking forward to this next adventure, with my tiara!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Brave or insane, take your pick Janet. I’m heading into uncharted waters and am looking forward to discovering how patient Mr Smarts really is 🙂


  5. I was just saying to my husband last night that we should move to even more in the country and go off the grid. I suggested growing marijuana crops to keep us in the custom to which we are accustomed but he wasn’t interested. I envy you. Fifty acres. I would buy 10 chihuahuas first up and a sheep, goat, horse, pig and definitely a donkey. Can’t wait to hear how this all pans out!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I suggested the marijuana crop, for medicinal purposes only. Mr Smarts then made me watch re runs of Prisoner until I changed my mind. Bea still scares me.


  6. Oh wow… he’s gonna owe you big time. My mum keeps going on about my ‘rural’ lifestyle, but there are houses all around me and I just have a double block of land. I do like sprouting about being a ‘landowner’ though. I just need some serfs. Or similar.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you find your serfs can you send some down to me? Kids are just not willing to work as hard as I need them too 🙂


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