After three years of living an idyllic life by the sea while deciding if we should stay or move back to the big city we have taken the plunge and bought fifty acres, (someone pass me a paper bag as I hyperventilate) of land. I was hoping for a maximum five acres but as Mr Smart’s kept insisting, “Honestly Kooky, what’s an extra forty five?”
Do I look dim witted? Um an extra forty five acres means livestock, fencing, growing our own vegetables, mud, drought, floods, snakes, flies and more flies and even more flies etc. Of course the kids want a horse, one is begging for a donkey ….. give me a minute please while I lie down before the blackness takes over.
Is it bad that at 6.15 am I’ve just taken a shot of vodka?
Okay, so on this fifty acres there is also the sweetest little house where the five of us will live. Now in this sweet little house there are only two, yes you read correctly, two bedrooms and only one, ONE bathroom. With two teenagers and a tween plus a very robust husband this one bathroom thingy is going to be nothing short of a nightmare. I’ve already spent a small fortune on scented candles. Actually, I wonder if the flame will be too much and will blow us to smithereens? I’m guessing a diffuser might be safer.
Anyway, we will live in this cosy little house until our much bigger house is built. Oh, I almost forgot, the house is off the grid. Impressive I know but I’m concerned that whenever Mr Smarts sees me drying and straightening my hair he gives a little chuckle. I’m too afraid to ask him what his chuckling means. What if I can’t dry my hair or straighten it …….. unthinkable, (breathe in breathe out). Stop it vodka, I hear you calling.
However, on a brighter note I am looking very forward to the day when I will gleefully inform our electricity supplier that we are divorcing. I am actually planning a little party to celebrate. Now that’s what dreams are made of.
Plus, there is the shopping for another fabulous pair of gum boots, I’m thinking zebra this time. I was on the lookout for orange overalls but as Mr Smarts pointed out that might be taking my obsession with Crazy Eyes Suzanne from Orange is the New Black a little too far. I scare him sometimes when I pretend to be her. Perhaps I won’t be pretending for too much longer!
And I kid you not I will be wearing a tiara every day just so I keep the princess in me alive. God help the lot of us.
Anyone out there live off the grid. I am in dire need of a few pointers and if anyone knows where I can buy anything other than khaki overalls I would be forever grateful.