Mr Red Failed Puppy School

Mr Red arrived home with a surprise for the whole family. A sweet little border collie named Ziggy. Everyone was delighted and immediately fell in love with him.  Mrs Red did suggest Mr Red book him into obedience school though.  She had been rather fond of her Jimmy Choo Ivette sandals and tried not to cry as she pulled them from his mouth.

Noticing her distress Mr Red booked the classes immediately and the next morning he and Ziggy set off to the park for the first lesson.

Ziggy was excited when he saw the other puppies. So excited that within the first few minutes he had puked rather a large puddle at Mr Red’s feet.

“Ewww,” he heard someone say while another made retching noises.

“How is it possible for a puppy to produce so much spew?” a man grimaced next to him.

Mr Red grabbed Ziggy’s pooh bag and made a feeble attempt at mopping it up.

“That bag is useless,” a man said importantly.  The word Instructor was embellished across his pocket. “Stand aside,” and using a shovel he buried the mess swiftly. “And this is why we never feed our puppies before class,” he said glaring at Mr Red.

“I didn’t,” Mr Red insisted. And he hadn’t because that’s exactly what the Instructor had told him not to do when he had spoken with him the night before. He squirmed under everyone’s scrutiny.

“Let’s get started then shall we?” the Instructor said. “Basics first.  We’ll teach them to stay and come on command.”

The puppies watched eagerly as their owners stepped away from them. That is, all except Ziggy.  He scampered happily beside Mr Red and refused to be led back.

“You have to be firm. He needs to know whose boss.  Try again,” the Instructor commanded. Mr Red did as he was told.

“Stay!” he said so loudly that Ziggy cowered.  “Sorry boy,” Mr Red said sheepishly.

“Firmly!” the Instructor demanded.

“Stay Ziggy,” Mr Red said but Ziggy ignored him.  He wagged his tail and barked and barked and barked which upset all the other puppies.  Not to mention their owners.

“Right,” said the Instructor. “Might be a good idea to run off some of that energy.  How about taking the pup for a dash around the park?  Shouldn’t take that long and we’ll continue here.  How does that sound?”

Mr Red, who hadn’t run in years was doubtful but he  started off at a slow jog anyway.

“Pick up the pace,” the Instructor yelled.  “The lessons only an hour.  We need to get some training in before it’s time to leave.”

Cursing under his breath Mr Red ran puffing and panting with Ziggy at his heels.

Soon after, angry barking could be heard across the park. Mr Red glanced back at the group and watched as the puppies ran around and around in circles. He was relieved Ziggy wasn’t involved and bent down to give him a cuddle. But Ziggy wasn’t there.

“Ziggy,” Mr Red called.  “Here boy,” but it was no use.  His voice was drowned out by the noisy puppies.

Curiously, Mr Red watched as the puppies came running towards him.  Their owners ran closely behind with the Instructor taking up the rear.  He waved his arms frantically at Mr Red.  Mr Red presumed he was being told to get out of the way so he did by running in the opposite direction.

But the puppies ran after him. Alarmed Mr Red ran as fast as he could and just when he felt his heart was going to explode from his chest his phone rang.

“Hello,” he gasped.

“Stop your bleepin, bleepin running your bleepin, bleepin fool,” a familiar voice wheezed.  “Your dog has rounded up all the other dogs and is herding them to you. So stop your bleepin bleepin running.”

Shocked Mr Red stopped in his tracks.  Sure enough, there was Ziggy wagging his tail at the back of the pack looking very proud.  The other puppies collapsed ina heap as did the adults.

The instructor pulled Mr Red aside and had a quite word. He suggested Mr Red ask for a refund for Ziggy before he stormed off wondering was it too early to go to the pub.

Mr Red was very upset.  He picked Ziggy up and wandered home mournfully.

Later that day he was surprised to find Little Miss Red shoving something into Ziggy’s mouth.  On closer inspection he discovered it was her vitamins.  Apparently Ziggy liked them as she had “shared” them with him earlier that morning.

“So he can be big, strong and smart,” Little Miss Red said happily.  “Just like you said they will make me Daddy.”

Mr Red was relieved when the vet assured him that no damage had been done. That Ziggy had behaved like any other normal puppy would have under the circumstances and that no, there was absolutely no reason to ask for a refund.

Ziggy, I am pleased to tell you, blitzed the next class and is now the Instructors favorite. Fickle man that he is.

I would love to hear your stories about puppy classes?