Mr and Mrs Fit watched in despair as Little Miss Fit scratched her head viciously.
“I’ve tried three times and I can’t get rid of them,” Mrs Fit sighed. “It’s up to you now.”
“But I don’t know what to do,” Mr Fit said in alarm. “I’ve never had lice.”
“Google it,” Mrs Fit suggested as she walked off to find out who was banging on their door.
“Hello,” Baz, her father in law greeted her with a peck on the cheek. “I was passing by and thought I’d drop in for a quick coffee. Where’s Freddy?”
“De lousing your granddaughter in the bathroom,” Mrs Fit said suddenly feeling anxious. Disastrous things seemed to happen when Baz was around.
“Come and have a look at all this hair Baz,” Freddy called from down the hall. “I’m going to be here for hours.”
“Best thing for this job then would be a strong pair of clippers son,” Baz decided. “We can buzz the little blighters right off.”
“Put the clippers away,” Mrs Fit ordered as she walked past. “In fact give me the clippers,” she didn’t trust either of them.
“Could we perhaps give her a haircut?” Freddy asked hopefully. “It’s so long, almost down to her waist and all knotted from the scratching.”
“Okay,” Mrs Fit said uncertainly. “Have you ever cut anyone’s hair before though?” she asked both men.
“Well I used to cut Freddy’s hair all the time,” Baz said confidently.
“So you know that the easiest way to cut a girls hair is to put it in a low pony tail first?” Mrs Fit looked at them questioningly.
“Of course,” Baz smiled at her. “Now you go and do what you have to do and we’ll be finished in a jiffy.”
“Any idea what a pony tail is?” Baz whispered to Freddy who stared blankly back at him.
Little Miss Fitt giggled. “Oh Grandpa it’s like this,” she said bunching her hair on top of her head. She tied an elastic band to keep the hair together.
Baz found a pair of nail scissors in the drawer.
“Aren’t they a bit small?” Freddy asked eyeing them suspiciously.
“Freddy, scissors are scissors,” Baz sighed. “Here, you hold the pony tail while I cut it.”
Chop, chop, chop he cut until the pony tail was free. Baz looked at the golden locks wistfully. He wondered if he could glue some onto his patchy head of hair.
“Uh Oh,” Miss Fit giggled looking at herself in the mirror. “You two are in big trouble. Mummýs going to send you to the naughty corner after for this for a long, long time.”
“What do your mean Princess? Baz said wrapping the hair in loo paper. He was going to give it a go when he got home.
“Baz! Look what we’ve done!” Freddy was stricken.
“What do you mean?” he asked. “Oh truck me!” he said before he could stop himself.
Uneven and ragged, Little Miss Fit’s hair sat high above one ear while it almost touched the shoulder of the other side. She did look a sight. Mrs Fit would surely lose her mind if she saw what had happed. They two men looked helplessly at each other.
Then Baz had an idea.
Very quietly, the three of them tip toed out of the house down to Baz’s car where they drove away to safety.
Hours later, and after many unanswered texts and phone calls from Mrs Fit, they returned home triumphant.
“Where on earth have you been?” Mrs Fit glowered at them.
“Getting rid of the lice like you asked me to,” Mr Fit said smugly.
Mrs Fit glanced down at her daughter then reeled back in horror. “Freddy Fit what have you done!” she exclaimed. Gone were her daughters beautiful, long, golden locks which had taken so long to grow. In their place was a very, very short bob with a shaved undercut. Mrs Fit couldn’t believe her eyes.
“Well truck me Daddy and Grandpa wrecked my hair so the hairdresser fixed it all up,” Little Miss Fit explained happily. “And I didn’t even have lice, I have dandruff instead.”
Freddy and Baz are doomed to spend the rest of the days in the Naughty Corner where Little Miss Fit feeds them play dough cakes which she insists they swallow before they get to drink her special lemonade made from toothpaste. Mrs Fit makes sure there’s lots of toothpaste in the lemonade.
I would love, strange as it must sound, to hear of your lice adventures. Surely Baz and Freddy can’t be the only crazies out there?
Cheers for the photo Simple Lice Removal