I’m A Country Wanker.

By order of the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh I bought a pair of fabulous new gumboots.

They are so fabulous that they even have a little rubber heel and being the runt of the family that I am, I need all the height I can get so I love them even more.

Unfortunately though, it has been pointed out to me that these boots are not meant for sloshing around in cow poo. They are only to be worn on the school run, strolling along the beach or shopping in ritzy boutiques in the big city.

Not only that but the most common attire worn with these GUMBOOTS is either a tutu or a sexy pair of bathers.

Obviously, it being winter down here I am declining to wear my bathers, (although my wet suit might suffice). And as I don’t have a tutu and I don’t drive my kids to school I will wear my super stylish gum boots with my wedding dress and sparkling tiara instead.

Then I will stand at the gate and wave to the school bus as it drives past. The kids will die and will probably never speak to me again but let’s look on the positive side, silent teenagers could be a win, win situation don’t you agree?

Harry Potter Eat Your Heart Out!

I’ve always dreamt of having an orchard so I’ve been busy planting fruit and nut trees. According to Smarts I went a bit mental with the pruning side of things.

He asked me if I was indeed mental when he saw the bare stems of the trees standing upright along the fence. Then he wondered was I trying to be artistic with my garden of sticks or was I planning on growing a field of wands. And he thinks I’m cray cray!

There is no way in hell I will ever admit that the you-tuber I based my planting skills on has no followers, something I probably should have taken into account. He did sound very knowledgeable though and his voice was deep and sexy and he was wearing only a loin cloth so you know….. what’s a girl to do?

I Survived Cyclone Groovy

I was nearly taken out by the gazebo while I was putting the washing out.

Minutes before I had been bragging to Mrs Groovy, who was stuck in her office, that if felt like a summer’s day down here in the arctic circle.

Well the next minute the most ferocious wind ripped my tiara from my head and the gazebo, wrenched from it’s moorings, was hurtling towards me at full speed.

I dropped to the ground just in the nick of time before it smashed into the washing line, slammed into the car and came to an abrupt stop beside and on top of the water tank.

No more banging on about summer days in the middle of winter for me. Mrs Groovy must have been mighty annoyed by my phone call.

The Trials Of Living Off The Grid Continue

Yep it’s still pretty much shite but we do have hot water, thanks to Smarts spending hours under the house with the mice and spiders diagnosing, and then fixing the problem with the solar, hot water booster.

Of course, even though we have had torrential rains recently, we are most likely going to run out of water any day now because our thirty second cold showers have turned into thirty minutes of pure hot bliss. No more boiling hot water on the stove for us. No siree!

Short Term Memory Loss

And last but not least Miss Poppy the dog has decided to hang around, most likely thanks to a rather unfortunate incident.

As we all know she tends to jump through open car windows.   Well one night Smarts arrived home from work and Miss Poppy, excited to see him, ran as fast as she could and took a gigantic leap straight at the car window.  The only thing was, the window was closed. Ooooh it was nasty!   Butterflies were flying around her head that night for sure.

After that she hasn’t bothered to take off with anyone else and she seems quite content and sleeps a lot, although the dribbling has become a bit of a problem. Only joking, she’s a kelpie, she’s as tough as nails.

So tell me what’s been going on over at your place? Anyone planted any wands?





30 thoughts on “I’M A COUNTRY W**KER

  1. Ooohh I love this newsy post!

    Poor Miss Poppy! But yes, a blow to the head oughta fix that little problem.

    Have you been to any agricultural field days yet? That’s where I learnt to prune. I did a class (of one…just me) with some semi retired pruning expert from the ag dept at the Mudgee Field Days a few years back. I’m off to the Agquip field days in Gunnedah in a couple of weeks. More so for the steak sangas and the shopping pavillion than anything else. You’d love it Kooks. You can wear your gummies!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I went to a ag day in SA years ago and it was fun. I’m waiting in anticipation for some of the locals to come and take over but I think they’re all still in Qld. Bummer


  2. I’m just about to prune our wands! In an attempt to fatten them… Thanks for the important reminder re: YouTube followers 😉

    YAY for hot water!

    Love your posts, always make me giggle!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Get the house built and i’ll bring Hazey down to teach you safe chainsaw technique!! But you do understand I need power and water (hot for showers) right? So you will need to fix those two issues first Hazey is fine with a swag a pit and a fire me not so much!!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I love you Kooky!! No wands here and not much of interest to report – cept I’m old, recovering from a late night/early/late morning is taking a long time. Silent teenagers sounds like bliss.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Arghhh we are drawing up our new house now. There is not enough wine in the house but then, there never is for me to cope with life out here 😉 Thanks Louise x


  4. Respect dear lady if you can still get INTO your wedding dress! I certainly couldn’t…get into mine not yours lol! My creation is 24 years old and has shoulder adornments so high it nearly covered my face, a bodice so tiny I’m amazed I actually managed to get into it at all, and a train so long I could’ve saved the church sweeper-upper a job! Would love to see you in yours. Great post as usual: VERY funny 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your dress sounds suspiciously like my first wedding dress. Who said Lady Di was the only one who could have a train as long as the aisle of a cathedral with a veil to match? Certainly not me. It did make a fabulous dress up though. This dress, let’s just say I won’t be turning around in it.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Loving your life. Glad your dog survived. I don’t have green thumbs, however, the home we have just bought needs some serious gardening expertise. We’ll hack away and see what we come up with it. Pretty much a blank canvas. I’m waiting for September, there’s more choice then at the garden centre.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We found her munching on a putrid and I mean dead wombat head yesterday. Maggots and all. Thanks Pinky xx


  6. I had a conversation with someone the other day about gumboots and she had no idea what I was talking about. We eventually translated them into galoshes (sp?) and wellies!

    You didn’t mention if yours are patterned with Laura Ashley flowers or similar.

    Liked by 1 person

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