I Have My Suspicions That I Might Die Soon

For the past few weeks I’ve written depressing posts about death, misery and burning flesh. I’m wondering if perhaps we should call this place Withering Heights as it’s been so bleak?  But then we’re on flat land so Withering Plains would most likely be more appropriate. How very unromantic.

Right at this minute though, the misery of winter is over. The suns out, the remaining calves are still alive and sometimes we have power for 24 hours straight.  The good days are on the way back and to top it off life got a whole lot better this morning.  Here’s what happened.

For those of you who have been following my bizarre, midlife move to the country, where I obviously have no business being, you will have read that living off the grid has way too many challenges, sometimes, (most of the time) for a girl to handle.

There are so many things we took for granted in our last life, predictably the tv, dishwasher etc but the thing that has most surprised us is our yearning for, of all things, toast. I know! Who would have thought that toasted bread could be missed so unbearably?

Our obsession with crunchy, evenly, cooked bread grew and grew. Our lips ached for that first touch, our tongues yearned for the rough texture to scrape across it’s bumpy road and the butter hasn’t been the same since, it’s all hard and grumpy. We were all in toast agony.

That is until Ms and Ms Splendid heard about our plight, (I confess I may have yammered on in Teenage Splendid’s ear until he couldn’t take another minute) and very kindly invited us to breakfast.  We graciously accepted their invitation and the next day, at the crack of dawn, we were hammering on their front door demanding to be let in.

We almost cried at the sight before us. Sitting on their counter were not one but two toasters.  I know! Who has two toasters?  Splendid people obviously. And not only that but piles of crumpets, muffins and all types of bread were waiting to be toasted.  Bacon, eggs, hash browns, baked beans, croissants and hot, juicy tomatoes filled the bain marie’s. It was all too good to be true.

I begged them to adopt me but they told me I’m too old to be adopted by anyone and shoved me out the door. But not before I had eaten every piece of toast I could lay my hands on.

God Bless the Splendid’s and their mighty toasters.

That was the most perfect of mornings. Our toast cravings had been fulfilled and we had spent time with the splendid Splendid’s.  Life was more than fabulous. Then Smarts ran me over with the trailer.  Yep he ran me over with the trailer!

One minute there I was minding my own business and the next thing I knew I was face down in the mud and pinned under the giant wheels of the trailer.  I think there is a possibility I could actually die out here. What do you think?

Kooks x

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20 thoughts on “I Have My Suspicions That I Might Die Soon

    1. We do have a generator but the toaster makes it go crazy. I had 1/2 cooked toast at 10am before it shut everything down. Everyone need Splendid people in their lives, lucky us xx


  1. Oh god, I couldn’t cope. I mean, I don’t like or eat toast as such, but the lack of luxuries that aren’t really luxuries would kill me. I’d wither away or something. (As opposed to something accidentally self-inflicted which I’m pretty sure is your greatest risk! 😉 )

    How lovely to have met the Splendids. Perhaps it could become a regular thing. BYO Bread or something…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly, it the non luxuries that really bother me for example buying ice cream in the hope that the power stays on over night and I am so envious of anyone/everyone who has a dishwasher. Gawd!.


  2. I’m glad you got your toast! You need to make it so you can have your own toast whenever you want. A life without toast is so well … um … toastless!! My goodness are you still pinned under that trailer??!! #TeamLovinLife

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right, we need to visit someone each morning for breakfast and pretend they have invited us. I like it. No I’m not still stuck under the trailer but I did milk my sore hip for a few more days than necessary .


  3. I went without a toaster/sandwich press for ages. I made “toast” in the frying pan and it wasn’t great. I’m glad I forked out for a toaster again!


  4. Ah toast…the thing I missed most when I couldnt eat anything but liquids …and then I learned how to eat teensy tiny bits of toast…and now I can eat little bit bigger bits of toast..even with only 8 teeth..and I LOVE it. Mind you by the time I spread it and then cut it that takes ages, then to eat slowly as I have to..anyway they say eating slowly is better for you.
    Sorry about the not so good incident with the machinery. And yay for 24 hours of electricity.
    Denyse x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah unlimited electricity is bliss. Funny the things we miss, who would have thought it would be toast. Enjoy your toast, I hope to be toasting by about late November if we’re lucky xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You crack me up! LOL. “God Bless the Splendid’s and their mighty toasters.” There’s a lot to love about the toaster. Mind you, I do miss my Nanna’s toast cooked on a fork in front of her fire powered oven. I would spend my school holidays eating her toast. Smothered in butter. Nobody did toast like she did. #teamlovinlife

    Liked by 1 person

  6. HaHa – you made me laugh! I hope it’s all a little bit exaggerated, but I like a good embellishment. I wouldn’t go mad for toast, but I think it would be bacon that gets my goat in the end!


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