The Torpedo In The Pool – yeah right!

Mrs Groovy, Mrs Red and Mrs Fit, unknown to me had a mutual, growing concern that I was becoming a Crazy Calf Lady. Crazy Cat Lady, they agreed, bordered on the acceptable. Crazy Calf Lady they did not. So an intervention was staged and in the early hours of the morning I was whisked away for a day of pure indulgence at the hot springs.

With the crowds yet to arrive we claimed the pool high on the hill and sipped our glasses of bubbly, (which Mrs Groovy had smuggled in) as we watched the sunrise. It was hard to remember a time when I had felt this relaxed and an age since I had felt so clean.

Hours were spent soaking in the hot pools, lounging in the steam baths and sweating in the scorching saunas until it became so crowded we decided it was time to leave. But not before we had one last dip in a pool which was, thinking back, strangely unoccupied.

Should we have perhaps asked ourselves why the pool was empty? Upon reflection we absolutely 100% should have but no, instead we marveled at our good fortune and spent a lovely relaxing time floating and lazing around until we heard someone shout ,

“There’s a torpedo in the pool!”

Well I can’t tell you how fast we shot out onto dry land. I didn’t dare search for “the torpedo,” but from the look of disgust on Mrs Reds face it must have been a big one. The poor staff member, who was gloved to the elbows confirmed my suspicions, when, almost sobbing, he grabbed the torpedo in his hands and ran to the bushes gagging and calling out apologies and would we like free entry next time we visit?

We left him to his own devices and scrubbed ourselves under the hot showers. To make sure every bit of putridness had escaped our pores we decided another steam bath was in order.

Unfortunately, I let my thoughts wander as we sat there on the slippery benches in the steamy room and I couldn’t help but wonder what we were actually sitting in. Were we really sitting in water or was it something else, like other peoples sweat for example? Well the more I thought about this the more probable it became.

I glanced around and sure enough everyone was sweating buckets and it was dripping down onto the marble benches. Who had been here before us? Whose bodily fluids was I sitting in? Oh how I hoped they were clean eating freaks and not some junk food addict whose fast food fat had poured from it body congealing into a slippery mass right where I was sitting.

Mrs Groovy Mrs Red and Mrs Fit jumped into the nearest pool when I voiced my concern but I knew better and stayed well away. There was barely room to move with all the bodies in there.

They dunked themselves under the water and would have stayed longer had they not observed the concoction of chemicals being discreetly poured into the water. I was forbidden to entertain them with my thoughts on that one.

So really, when you think about it, public bathing, is it a health hazard? Oh and one more word of advice before I go, if you happen to find a “torpedo” floating in a pool it’s best not to utter the words,

“The pools have been hit by a terrorist attack.” I think Mrs Fit was almost arrested.


6 thoughts on “The Torpedo In The Pool – yeah right!

  1. Hilarious as usual. Is that picture a true representation of your outdoor pools?! It looks worse than travelling on the London underground!! Mind you, on the underground you have the added fear of getting a panini shoved in your ear as the train speeds along and the crowd lunges around. Prefer that to a ‘torpedo’ though…!! 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yep I always wonder about public bathing, ever since I was doing lengths at a gym and through the clarity of the goggles I could actually see the filth. Because I had stumped up huge wedges of wonga to join the bloody gym, I asked for it to be cleaned instead of just walking, nah, running away. It wasn’t cleaned and I did my dash on the cash. Bugger and YUK.

    Liked by 1 person

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