Freddy Fit was surprised to hear female laughter coming from his father’s kitchen. He was even more surprised to find his father Baz, and Gladys, from next door, furiously munching on enormous slices of pizza. The table was littered with empty pizza boxes, chocolate wrappers and crusts of bread.
“Pull up a chair son,” Baz said. “And have a cup of Gladys’s home made tea.” They both burst into fits of giggles.
“What’s going on?” Freddy asked. He looked around for the empty bottles of booze. Surely they were off their heads drunk. Even if it was only 10:30 in the morning.
“Did you hear that Gladys?” Baz snorted. “Freddy wants to know what’s going on.”
“Hilarious! You, are, hoolarious Freddy,” Gladys screeched with laughter. Freddy’s ear drums almost burst. “Can’t you see what’s going on? We’re babysitting the plants. Babysitting my little grandsons, Frankie’s, plants.”
“Right!” Freddy said, “Babysitting plants. How very decent of you.” He wondered had Gladys gone mad? Her ‘little grandson” was thirty five years old.
“That’s right,” Baz giggled. “Take a look out the window. They’re everywhere.” And so they were. Hundreds of green, potted, plants were jammed tightly into Gladys’s backyard. There was not a blade of grass to be seen.
“Isn’t it amazing?” Gladys giggled.“I think they’re all having babies. They seem to be multiplying. Do you know what?” she whispered flirtatiously. “I think I’d like to have another baby.” She batted her eyelashes at Baz.
“I think we should order more pizza,” Baz giggled, seemingly unconcerned that Gladys had propositioned him so outrageously.
“I think I’ll leave you to it then,” Freddy said wishing he was anywhere but there.
“No! No! No!” Gladys shrieked. “Not until you’ve had my home made tea. It’s made from the plants. It’s mint. Not the normal mint but special mint. Frankie told me it was very special. It’s very posh and very rare. I’m not allowed to tell anyone it’s here,” she whispered conspiratorially. “He said it’s worth a fortune.”
“A fortune,” Baz giggled. “Did you hear that Freddy? A fortune! You should be like Frankie and grow some mint. You would be rich! We could all be rich!”
Freddy took another look outside. Then he laughed and laughed and laughed. He laughed so hard he cried because they weren’t drunk. They were stoned to the eyeballs. They had been drinking cannabis tea not mint tea. Dear, sweet, little Frankie had offloaded all his marijuana plants at his grandmothers for her to look after.
Freddy ordered them more pizza, set out jugs of water and threw out the tea. He prayed all the way home that Gladys would refrain from trying to have another baby at the age of sixty six. He felt physically sick at the thought of it.
As for the “pot” plants? Let’s just say they all died a quick and untimely death. All except for one or two that is. They mysteriously found a new home in between the tomato plants. How very naughty of them.
Gladys has plans to make a lovely, big, chocolate cake for Baz on his next birthday. They will eat it together, when no one else is around.