Well it’s taken longer than we thought but Mr Smarts has almost finished building the calf shed which means the calves will be moving in very soon. So to celebrate my debut into farming I thought I would share again with you the day I went to my very first calf rearing expo. Mr Smarts waited until I had drunk every last drop of the … Continue reading The Queen of Calves
Our friend Freddy Fit was at a loss last weekend. Mrs Fit had a nasty cold and he was driving her batty with his constant hovering and fussing when all she wanted to do was sleep. Finally, unable to take any more of the thermometer being thrust into her mouth whenever she sneezed, Mrs Fit demanded he take the children for a drive out to … Continue reading A Most Disgusting, Frightful, Horrific Occurrence!
Five months ago we moved onto fifty acres and into a tiny cottage with only two bedrooms. Not only does the house have only two bedrooms but it also has only one bathroom and to top it off, we’re off the grid. Five people, a tiny house and off the grid? Well, let’s say life’s been interesting. During the summer months we were left without … Continue reading The Trials of Living off The Grid
WE RAN OUT OF WATER! We ran out of water as a car load of girls rocked up for a camp over. We ran out of water as Mr and Mrs Groovy dropped in for booze and cheese. We ran out of water as Mr and Mrs Red drove in on their way home from camping begging for a shower. We ran out of water full … Continue reading How To Save Yourself From Deadly Jalapenos.
Okay, so I’ve been missing in action for a few weeks and no, there is no need to tell me you haven’t noticed, I will pretend you have. “What have you been up to?” I pretend I hear you ask. “Well, I have been avoiding the quad bike I was given for Christmas,” I reply still shocked by that strange event. “What the hell! A quad bike! What … Continue reading My Nemesis – The Big Black Beast
Dumbalk at Christmas is a beautiful sight. Whether driving down country lanes or the middle of town you will find houses standing proud in all their Christmas glory. Sadly, our little house on our little farm was bereft of any decoration whatsoever. So there was nothing left to do, we had to decorate too. By we, of course I mean me. Sadly, I gave birth … Continue reading I Survived an Anaconda Attack
It was the Christmas Bus Party yesterday and Bob, the bus driver, had done a magnificent job decorating. Balloons danced from the ceiling, streamers billowed through the windows and Christmas carols blared from the portable cd player. “Help yourselves,” Bob said shoving bags of lollies and cans of soft drink into their hands. “And ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas,” he sneezed as the fluffy, white, … Continue reading Santa Clause Rounds Up The Cows
I wound down the car windows expecting to smell the freshly mowed grass of the cricket ground. Instead my nostrils were assaulted by the foulest smell imaginable. “What the crap is that smell?” Pippa demanded clutching her nose. “Probably crap I’d say,” Kate replied. “Please don’t use the word crap,” I admonished. “Well, what would you rather we say?” Kate asked. “What the frig is … Continue reading Road Kill Ran Us Out Of Town
In two days we move to our farm. I’m not really supposed to refer to it as a farm because, even though fifty acres is an exorbitant amount of land to me, Mr Smarts said it’s piddly compared to the hundred/thousand acre farms out here. But I don’t know what else to call it so forgive me if I insult you. Mr Smarts also pointed … Continue reading Boy Boobs And A Bad Haircut
Today the culling began in earnest for our move to the country. Mr Smarts and I were very gung-ho, but the Smarties were bored within the first five minutes. They disappeared and now I’m wondering if they have run away as we have not sighted them since. Mr Smarts just locked the doors in case they do decide to come back. Anyway, there we were … Continue reading Kooky wrangles with Mickey Mouse