Queen of Procrastination – A Withering Plains Update

Forget my self-appointed title, Queen of Calves, I am now the Queen of Procrastination. Why you may ask? Because I’m attempting to write my second novel, even though my first is still out and about doing the agent trail.  Foolish of me? Absabloodylutely! But still I plod on even though the characters are being so uncooperative I have to stop myself from killing them off … Continue reading Queen of Procrastination – A Withering Plains Update

Freddy Fit Loses His Brains

Mrs Fit, in the middle of making her famous strawberry torte for a dinner party that night, discovered she had run out of cream. Frustrated, she phoned Freddy, (her husband) who was out on a bike ride and asked him to stop off at the supermarket on his way home. Freddy, who was normally forbidden to shop by himself, (apparently he spent too much money … Continue reading Freddy Fit Loses His Brains

Baz and The Miracle Pugs

Disappointed to learn that not only had he scarred Mrs Fit for life by catching her almost naked in the bathroom, save for a pair of suspenders and a flimsy piece of black lace, apparently he had also been a bit of  glitch at their anniversary lunch. If you have no idea of what I am banging on about click here Baz and A Pair Of Suspenders to find … Continue reading Baz and The Miracle Pugs

Baz and A Pair Of Suspenders

When Baz, (Freddy Fits father and the man who wouldn’t die Mrs Fit’s Magnificent Mistake)  discovered that Freddy and Mrs Fit jnr were driving into the city for the night, he arranged to travel in with them. He was meeting friends for dinner and would catch the late train home. Upon their arrival, Baz realized he had a few hours to spare so tagged along … Continue reading Baz and A Pair Of Suspenders

The Shocking Truth About the Jolly Fat Man

“You lied to me!” Red jnr shouted, slamming the door behind him. His face purple with rage. “What have we lied about?” Mrs Red asked alarmed. She had never seen her son in such a state before. “There is no Santa Clause!” Red jnr cried in despair. “No reindeer’s! No Elves! It’s just you and dad!” “And who told you this story?” Mr Red asked … Continue reading The Shocking Truth About the Jolly Fat Man

Mr Smarts – Enemy of The People No 1

Mr Smarts trudged inside and collapsed on the sofa. He looked crestfallen. “I’m presuming the meeting didn’t go well?” I asked sitting down beside him. “Oh Kooky you have no idea,” Mr Smarts said forlornly.  “It was a complete and utter disaster.” “Surely it couldn’t have been that bad?” I asked hopefully. “Well let’s see.  First of all Fit turned up in Mrs Fit’s tiny … Continue reading Mr Smarts – Enemy of The People No 1

Red and Mr Winky – A teenage penis drama

It was school holidays and Red and his mates, Fit and Groovy, (Smarts was busy stacking shelves at the local supermarket) were hanging out at the Red house all by themselves. Don’t be alarmed, we have travelled back to a time when Red, Fit, Groovy and Smarts were nothing but self-absorbed, hormone raging teenagers. I wish I could tell you they were smashed out of … Continue reading Red and Mr Winky – A teenage penis drama

Channeling the Griswalds – A Blokes Weekend Away

Feeling raucous and rambunctious Mr Groovy, Mr Red and Mr Fit, not to be deterred by the days forecast of blistering heat with gale force winds, headed off on their push bikes in high anticipation of their “boy’s” weekend away. Mr Smarts, who claimed he had urgent things to attend to before he could leave, was to drive up later that morning. Truth be told, … Continue reading Channeling the Griswalds – A Blokes Weekend Away