Forget my self-appointed title, Queen of Calves, I am now the Queen of Procrastination. Why you may ask? Because I’m attempting to write my second novel, even though my first is still out and about doing the agent trail. Foolish of me? Absabloodylutely! But still I plod on even though the characters are being so uncooperative I have to stop myself from killing them off … Continue reading Queen of Procrastination – A Withering Plains Update
MRS GROOVY’S BLESSED HOLY WATER Early this year, on a hot summers day Kate, (Miss 16) finally agreed to help take down the Christmas lights which were hanging, shamefully, in the gum trees along the front of our property. From last years experience I knew there were going to be spiders waiting to jump out at me and most likely a snake or fifty as … Continue reading Armageddon Pays A Visit To Withering Plains
Life at Withering Plains has been plodding along ……? Hmmm why don’t you be the judge of how it’s been plodding along? Our hot, dry, summer sadly deserted us as it does every year, faithless friend that it is, and we are now, however much I protest, about to be forced into enduring the bleak, miserable, winter months. The memories of last winter are still … Continue reading Yeehah And Giddy Up It’s A Farm Update
Every night when I go for a walk in our 12 acres of bush I scare myself stupid imaging I’m in The Blair Project. I know! I can’t help it but our bush, at night, looks just like it. Obviously, I always take a torch with me but last night my torch ran out of battery. Smarts always claims he can see in the dark … Continue reading The Blair Witch Is In Our Backyard.
Mrs Fit arrived on our doorstep looking harassed and extremely agitated. Her bulging suitcase wobbled precariously on the step beside her. “Sorry for turning up like this but I had to get away. You’ve no idea what I’ve had to put up with. It’s been diabolical,” she ranted as she dragged her case inside. “What’s happened?” I asked confused. Had she left Freddy. Where was … Continue reading The Black Plague at Withering Plains 2018
Living Off The Grid In Summer On the very first day of daylight saving, with much fanfare and trumpet blowing, I rescued the toaster from the shipping container where it had resided during the bleak winter months and escorted it down the red carpet and into the house. For the next few hours we watched, mesmerized, as it turned our soft, fluffy, bread into delicious, … Continue reading Life at Withering Plains – Part 1
Charlie the calf strolled out of the calf shed one morning to find the neighboring cows grazing in the paddock next to his pen. For some reason this displeased him immensely so he puffed out his chest and bellowed obscenities at them. But the cows laughed at the silly little calf and continued munching on the grass. Angrily Charlie snorted and stomped his feet but … Continue reading Yep, My Days Are Numbered
Little Miss Fit arrived home from school very proud. She was the first student to be given the task of looking after the class pet, Max the Mouse for the whole weekend. All the other kids had been so jealous. But Mrs Fit was far from impressed that Max the Mouse was to spend the entire weekend with them. She despised mice. She hated the … Continue reading There’s A Mouse In Her Pants!
The post-Christmas sales were on. The crowds at the mall were maddening and Mrs Fit’s bladder, which, after having to cope with copious amounts of coffee, was demanding to be emptied. Immediately! Her bladder threatened to burst in the line at the always clean, sparkling, new loos so she high tailed it, crab like to the stinky, old loos. Loos which at all other times … Continue reading Why you should NEVER put your phone in your back pocket.
The bathroom scales squealed and groaned in complaint as Mr Red planted his feet firmly on them. He watched in disbelief as the red line shot to an impossibly high number and stayed there. Had he really put on that much weight? Sure that little jiggle around his middle when he walked had been rather confronting, but he’d tucked it into his pants and pretended … Continue reading Best Not To Rely On Dr Google – Ever