Mrs Fit arrived on our doorstep looking harassed and extremely agitated. Her bulging suitcase wobbled precariously on the step beside her. “Sorry for turning up like this but I had to get away. You’ve no idea what I’ve had to put up with. It’s been diabolical,” she ranted as she dragged her case inside. “What’s happened?” I asked confused. Had she left Freddy. Where was … Continue reading The Black Plague at Withering Plains 2018
Living Off The Grid In Summer On the very first day of daylight saving, with much fanfare and trumpet blowing, I rescued the toaster from the shipping container where it had resided during the bleak winter months and escorted it down the red carpet and into the house. For the next few hours we watched, mesmerized, as it turned our soft, fluffy, bread into delicious, … Continue reading Life at Withering Plains – Part 1
Charlie the calf strolled out of the calf shed one morning to find the neighboring cows grazing in the paddock next to his pen. For some reason this displeased him immensely so he puffed out his chest and bellowed obscenities at them. But the cows laughed at the silly little calf and continued munching on the grass. Angrily Charlie snorted and stomped his feet but … Continue reading Yep, My Days Are Numbered
Little Miss Fit arrived home from school very proud. She was the first student to be given the task of looking after the class pet, Max the Mouse for the whole weekend. All the other kids had been so jealous. But Mrs Fit was far from impressed that Max the Mouse was to spend the entire weekend with them. She despised mice. She hated the … Continue reading There’s A Mouse In Her Pants!
The post-Christmas sales were on. The crowds at the mall were maddening and Mrs Fit’s bladder, which, after having to cope with copious amounts of coffee, was demanding to be emptied. Immediately! Her bladder threatened to burst in the line at the always clean, sparkling, new loos so she high tailed it, crab like to the stinky, old loos. Loos which at all other times … Continue reading Why you should NEVER put your phone in your back pocket.
Christmas is my all time favorite time of year. I spend the month in a time warp remembering past Christmas’s and all those who are no longer with us. It’s not a sad time, I’m not rocking in a corner or blubbering away in my hanky, how could I with people like this in my life…… On a hot Australian summers day boisterous, lovable Aunt … Continue reading The Ghost of Christmas Past
Late one afternoon, as I was reaching in to grab an armful of hay, I noticed a large lump in the middle of the hay bale. The hairs on my arm stood on end as I backed away. Satan had come to visit. He had wound himself around and around in a coil and was dead to the world. Oh if only. He was just … Continue reading Poor Little Doug The Pug
Freddy Fit was surprised to hear female laughter coming from his father’s kitchen. He was even more surprised to find his father Baz, and Gladys, from next door, furiously munching on enormous slices of pizza. The table was littered with empty pizza boxes, chocolate wrappers and crusts of bread. “Pull up a chair son,” Baz said. “And have a cup of Gladys’s home made tea.” … Continue reading Romance Over A Potent Cup Of Tea
For the past few weeks I’ve written depressing posts about death, misery and burning flesh. I’m wondering if perhaps we should call this place Withering Heights as it’s been so bleak? But then we’re on flat land so Withering Plains would most likely be more appropriate. How very unromantic. Right at this minute though, the misery of winter is over. The suns out, the remaining … Continue reading I Have My Suspicions That I Might Die Soon
Unfortunately I did almost burn to death twice, worse it was by my own hand. Accidentally of course. But let me get to that later, I need to explain a few things first. Things have been crazy around here. The Pity Party Is Over You will recall that the night the first of the calves arrived was a stormy, thunderous, howling, black night. Well that … Continue reading The Day I Almost Burnt To Death Twice